Gullibility

I'm a gullible person. Tell me anything that you think will make me happy, and I will believe you.

Mostly people think being gullible is something to stay away from. They think that believing something that might not be true is a bad thing. But why?

I often find myself in situations that allow me to make a decision between choosing to stay safe or getting hurt. And I always choose the option that will hurt me. I think this is because I have so much hope for a brighter future or for a change that I helped create. I think it's because I like to fix things. I like to figure things out and make them better because it would make me so ridiculously happy to look at that thing and say, "You see that? I did that." But sometimes this doesn't work and I leave that thing, and often myself, in a pile of broken pieces on the floor.

Now before you start thinking that this is just another sob story written by the Meagan of eight or nine months ago, you can stop reading and go back to your video game, Facebook conversation, school paper, or whatever the hell you were doing. I apologize for the bluntness, but this not one of those memoirs.

As a child, I was full of curiosity. Ask my mother. I one time ate a whole jar of iron pills because I didn't know what they were and I was curious about how they tasted. I obviously liked the first one because I ate the whole freaking jar! Crazy right? Like seriously? Who the hell does that? Especially a little kid. Little kids are supposed to be picky eaters or whatever. I guess not me.

This curiosity has followed me to my early adult life. I am curious about everything. I push boundaries and wonder what would happen if I did something that everyone told me not to do. In other words, I try to prove others wrong by just "doing it anyway." For example, I took a computer science course on how to write in Java. I only took it to "prove everyone wrong" that told me that it was hard. And yeah it was easy. The first two weeks at least. I mean, I clearly failed that class. It was actually stupid how hard it was. Clearly I'm not as computer savvy as I thought.

I like to relate curiosity to being hopeful because whenever one is curious about something, they always hope for the best possible out come. When I feel the thing I so hopefully wish for start pulling away, I freak out. Seriously. I try to force it closer and yell at it and tell it that it can't ever leave me. It has to stay a possibility because I start to lose sight of everything else, and with out this thing, I really am lost. This is where the being gullible ties in.

I always make up all these stupid excuses for all these things to explain all the wrong and bad about them. And eventually these excuses become my actual reality. I am so gullible that I can even trick myself into thinking that my false sense of reality created by these excuses are actually happening.

The brain is a fickle friend, isn't it? It tries to manifest all these fake ideas to pacify you until it's actually true. This seems like it would totally suck to experience. To a realist anyway. But being a realist isn't always a possibility for everyone.

I am more of an optimist than anything else. I choose to be an optimist because I love being hopeful. I love waking up each morning only to think to myself that this day is going to be amazing. That today is the day that nothing will go wrong, and that everything will be perfect. I like to be able to try to convince myself that everything is going to end up just the way I want it to. And when this does happen, I am the happiest princess at the ball. To know that you created this perfect moment is amazing and wonderful and beautiful. It's empowering.

So yeah, I am gullible. But I choose to be gullible. I choose to wake up each day hoping that I believe the excuses and lies I tell myself because of the slight chance they could end up being true. Because having that beautiful feeling overcome me for a slight period of time totally out weighs all those bad feelings that I could have if I chose to tell myself that each day is going to be shittier than the last.