And 7 months later...

Wow, 7 months. I haven't posted here in 7 months. That seems so strange to me. I was so excited about this. About having a space to place my thoughts and to let feelings and stories and emotions flow out of me as naturally as it did. Honestly, I completely forgot about this until my good friend Kyle had asked me if I was still blogging. Life got in the way. Work, school, dating, and trying to get my shit together really got in the way of things like this.

Since the last time I was here I have moved home, started going to a community college, got a job at a coffee shop not far from my house, and started dating. I was really content. Until recently. I realized that I had gotten boring! Me! Meagan Amanda Heier was boring! How the hell did this happen?! I used to be the girl that people turned to during a sad time because I always had a story to tell after a drunken rampage with my best friend Bailey.

Oh how I miss Bailey. We were such a rock for each other when I was living in Seattle. Friends, no, soul sisters like that come around so rarely that holding on to those people is the most important thing a person could do to keep their sanity. Anyway, back to the point.

I was exciting! I lived for adventure and said "Fuck the man!" every Friday night. And Saturday night. And maybe on the occasional Tuesday afternoon. Then I moved home and started working on myself. I fucked off for a little bit and then I got this job at the coffee shop. Got promoted after 2 months and worked a bunch. I started to be so busy that I was no longer satisfied with relaxing. I had to go go go. I totally got a thrill out of it too. Yes! I was being a productive member of society!

Don't get me wrong, I love how my life is going. I think I am heading down a really awesome path. But last night I made a realization. I never do any thing fun. I work, study, sleep, and drink coffee. That's about it.

So, I need to rediscover my sense of adventure. I miss being exciting. It's time to let loose and be a little less serious.

Suck on my 19 and a half pages of notes

I have spent many late nights in my school's 24-hour library with my amazing, glorious coffee that I could never live with out, despite my mother's efforts to get me to give it up. And I must say that today's has been the most productive. Except for right now. But we all need breaks.

I've taken 19 and a half pages of notes so far for my Human Sexuality (Yes, it is a class. A psychology class to be specific. I'm taking notes on urinary incontinence right now, and it's really reminding me of when I was in Kindergarten and how I peed my pants multiple times a week. And that is reminding me how I didn't learn how to spell my name until I was in pre-school. Sorry, I am really off topic right now. Time to focus) midterm, and I feel like I am going to own this test. In part because my focus has been near impeccable and in part because of haterz.

I don't like to deal with haterz. I'm a really emotional person and when I feel like some one insults me or judges me in anyway, I instantly feel like crying. And most of the time I do. Today was a very bad day.

I was studying with a friend earlier, and they kind of told me I was dumb, like, in a serious way. I hate being told I am incompetent in any way. I think it's mostly because I judge myself for being not as smart as other people, and it's cool when I do, but when ever anyone else does, it's like the apocalypse. My world is over. Reality sinks in and I hate myself, but I especially hate them. How dare they say something like that to me?! My level of intelligence is none of their business. And if it doesn't meet up to their expectations for me as a human being, then they can suck it! At least this is what my brain is telling me when it happens. So, the way I see it, I have two options. I completely give up, drop out of school and move home and work at a yogurt shop the rest of my life, or I kick some ass, get fan-fucking-tastic grades, and shove them in all the haterz faces.

I was just listening to Pandora, and an Ingrid Michaelson song came on called "Giving up" and she kept repeating "I am giving up" over and over again. It got me thinking. I'm not giving up. I will not give up. I am going to defy all the haterz because they are just trying to keep me down in life and that's just not cool. Go pick on someone else. You are wasting my time.

Sorry, this was so philosophical. I'm just in that mood. But I go home tomorrow, so I mean, that's really rad.