I remember absolutely despising soccer. Both times. I originally joined because my best friend Ali Boehler played, and my parents totally encouraged me being an athlete. And of course I thought that I was going to be God's gift to soccer. And I totally was not. At all. And here are the three reasons why:
1. Ali and I were not on the same team. I was so upset when I found out that I didn't get to play my first sport ever with my best friend. I mean come on! She was my best friend! I needed to be on her team. But, I wasn't and I never got my wish. I'm actually not sure why. It probably had something to do with the fact that Ali was a really thin girl that looked like she had an athletic future, and I was a chubby child that really probably had no future as an athlete (This actually didn't end up being true. I was pretty gifted at riding horses, an okay volleyball player, and a kind of talented, kind of cocky shot-put and discus thrower). We probably had try outs or something and she was probably waaaay better than me.
2. I hated running. I still hate running. With my whole soul. I have always found it very inconvenient. It's like walking (which is great; I love walking) but faster and you are out of breath after. It's not fun. And around this time, my sisters were both diagnosed with asthma. So obviously I thought I had asthma too. I remember there was one game that I was so out of breath that I made them take me out of the game and I made my parents give me my sister's inhaler. I was convinced that I was going to die. That was it. That's how my life was going to end. I was going to die on the side of a soccer field at the ripe young age of seven with my parents trying to save my life with an inhaler that I did not need. But really I was just out of shape and chubby and unable to run for long periods of time because I was out of shape and chubby.
3. It was boring. I thought soccer was so boring. They didn't let me play the position that I wanted to play (which was the coveted goalie position) and the position that I did play (maybe wing or something? Is that a position in soccer? I wouldn't know. I don't follow the sport), my coach told me that I had to stay on our end of the field the whole time and I had to keep the other team away from the goal. But that was so boring. The ball was always on the other team's side of the field and I was so bored of just standing there with nothing to do. So of course I had to entertain myself in some way. Sometimes I took up dancing on the field (please note that I am about as good of a dancer as a squirrel with an acorn stuck up it's butt). I would prance around because I didn't like just standing. It was more exciting to shake my groove thang. Other times, I would just sit down on the field. My coach did not like this one at all. He would yell at me to get up, but he just didn't get it! I was so bored and standing for too long hurt my body, at least that was how I felt. And plus, why would the field be full of three-leaf clovers if we couldn't look for ones with 4 leaves? That just seemed preposterous to me. I wanted a four-leaf clover so badly because I had never found one, and at seven years old, that was my life goal. I would search at recess, at the park, in the middle of soccer games; anywhere there were patches of clovers, you would find me on my hands and knees searching for that clover with 4 leaves on it. I needed that clover, but I never found one.
You might be wondering why I decided to play soccer for two years instead of just one. I hated soccer from the beginning. That's why I didn't play when I was in first grade. But when I was in second grade, all my friends were playing and I felt left out. But when I started playing again that year, I regretted it completely. That was the worst decision I made for my recreational life in elementary school.
Oh, and they also eventually let me play goalie. Once.
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